You've got to see this one

As an apology for not having posted in the past week, I'd like to show you all this beautiful picture. I took it last Saturday night at Bryce Canyon, and it is (supposedly) the full moon. I know better, though.
The simplest of logic tells me that this is a picture of a UFO. as in Unkind Flying Object. The thing was a spherical flying object piloted by aliens in an attempt to take over the world via mind control. How do I know this?
1. Hordes of people came to take pictures of the "moon". While this could have been photographers trying to make extra cash, you and I both know that it was actually a collection of poor fools whose minds are already controlled by aliens.
2. Look at that glowing orb. I mean, come one. It could be the moon, but puh-lease. It's way to bright.
3. What are the chances of the moon rising at sunset the only evening I'm at Bryce Canyon? Slim to none. Obviously, the aliens know that I have a fairly high rank in the purple elephants' plot, and wanted to capture me for questioning.
Luckily, Bob, myself, and the kids all ran off before we had a chance to learn about alien torture devices first hand.

Igpay Atinlay

Isthay isay anay angestray anguagelay. Itay ashay othingnay otay oday ithway anyay ogicallay ormfay ofay eakingspay. But who cares? itsay unfay!
Isthay isay ethay erfectpay anguagelay otay alktay aboutay ethay ecretsay oingsday ofay ethay urplepay elephantsay. Afteray allay, itay akestay awhileay otay igurefay outay atwhay Iay amay ayingsay ifay ouyay on'tday owknay owhay otay eakspay itay. uyay avehay otay ovelay itay.
osay erethay isay anay ewnay anplay otay aketay overay ethay orldway. Evidentlyay, ifay ouyay useay ethay orrectcay equencyfray ofay adioray aveway, ouyay ancay unetay intoay erethey ecretsay alkstay ithway ethay impray inistermay ofay Elay Alvadorsay. Anday eythay areay akingmay ogresspay. I'day ivegay emthey aboutay otway oremay onthsmay.

Why you don't want to make an elephant mad

Hopefully, that's reason enough for you. Elephants are rarely truly angry, but when upset, they are not a pretty sight to see. One time I saw an elephant go absolutely crazy over someone dropping its favorite type of peanut (the Styrofoam kind) on the ground. Every elephant has its own personal peeves, and they are not things to be messed with.
When elephants get REALLY mad, they call in the Divine Purple Elephant Queen. She's their leader not just because she is divine, but because she is by far more frightening than the other elephants can be. The Divine Purple Elephant Queen is three times the size of normal elephants, and can squash a human with a single step if she so wishes. She can shoot fire out of her trunk, a sight which inspired ancient man to create dragon myths. The Queen has existed for years immeasurable, and will probably still be living long after any people alive now are gone.

You don't want to mess with the Queen

Cover Up

On second thought, forget I said anything in that last post. It was all a lie. Ignore it. I have absolutely no plans to help purple elephants take over El Salvador. None. Nada. Zip. I swear, it was all a lie. I swear on my sister's grave.
Oh wait. I don't have a sister. Never did.

Necessary Madness

Alright, Mr. Orange Whale, I see how it is. You clearly don't love purple elephants the way I do--I understand that. But that doesn't mean that you have to force your disgusting orange whales on me. I don't want to eat orange whales, and since the only good whale is found on a whaleburger, orange whales are completely useless.
Sorry, dude.

I am truly disappointed.

What's wrong with purple elephants? What's wrong with you people?
Purple elephants are vital to our economic structure... They keep the world turning, and the turn worlding. Without purple elephants, we'd be stuck in the stone age.

They are infinitely better than orange whales or shadowfates or whatever. tsk tsk tsk.

Vital Question

How is it possible to not love purple elephants? You may have seen the rude comment someone claiming to be named "orange whale" left on my first post. It was completely uncalled for.
Anyway, the question is, how is it humanly possible not to completely adore purple elephants? They are amazingly awesome. You have to love 'em.
By the way, how can you like orange whales? it's unnatural!

Mascot

Here's our blog mascot... do you like it?
if not, to bad for you, because I couldn't care less. This is my blog. If you don't like it. Make your own.