You're not off the hook yet, Mr. Beckett

Do the Sox won last night. Big deal. Tonights the night that really counts. I want this series to be over. A clean sweep of the Rockies. I know you guys can do it, and I'm not accepting ANY excuses.
None.
You'd better win. It should be a piece of cake. If you don't, then remember that "bottle of Coca-Cola" I showed you earlier.
Penguins and Polar Bears, Mr. Beckett, Penguins and Polar Bears.

That's not a Coke.

I don't care who told you what, that penguin is not giving that polar bear a Coke. Nope, that's the top secret plan of what they'll do if the Red Sox don't win the game tonight. You don't want to know what's inside of it. Top secret, highly confidential stuff. It's so classified, even the Divine Purple Elephant Queen doesn't have access to it. And let me tell you, the Divine Purple Elephant Queen knows EVERYTHING. She knows what you're having for breakfast next Tuesday morning, even if you have no idea. She knows when you'll finally stop putting off your least favorite chore. She knows what your first word was, when you said it, where you said it, and what you meant by it.
So let me tell you, this is top secret stuff. I shouldn't even be telling you it exists. But if I didn't, I'd feel guilty. So be prepared for what will happen if the Sox don't win tonight. Especially you, Mr. Becket. And Big Papi, you should be sweating in your sleep.
Though you better not be sleeping 20 minutes before the game.

Bob and the Purple Elephant plot.

Bob and I are deeply in love. It is so nice to be married. We are so happy together, and with all of our kids. Life is bliss.
Anyway, my apologies for not having been on recently. I was working on my plan to help purple elephants take over the world. It's coming along quite nicely. By February of 2028, everyone should be bowing the the Divine Purple Elephant Queen. With the help of the penguins from the north pole and polar bears from the south pole, we should start taking over El Salvador, which is our first target, in a matter of months.
At first, we'll trick them into thinking it's just a small, peaceful internet campaign. We'll send every El Salvadorian email account a picture of the Diving Purple Elephant Queen with a message saying something along the lines of "This is the Divine Purple Elephant Queen. Submit to her Wondorous Rule." Then, slowly, we'll start a political party. Before you know it, we'll be in charge and we'll change El Salvador's government to a dictatorship, with The Queen as the dictator.
It will be awesome.