Homework is evil

Or at least that is what my kids say. It's been so long since I was their age, I really can't remember. Poor Bob Jr. had six HOURS of homework in just one class yesterday, and even little Dud had a solid hour's work to do.
I think I'm glad I'm not in school anymore.
Bob has imposed a new rule in our house: No doing anything until homework is completely done. The kids absolutely despise the idea. Evidently, when there's that much homework, there would be no time to have any "fun".
But what's the point of fun? I've never gotten it. You enjoy yourself for a short amount of time, and then it's over. I'd prefer something more permanent myself. But that's just me. Maybe I'm weird. I dunno.

Why you don't want to make an elephant mad

Hopefully, that's reason enough for you. Elephants are rarely truly angry, but when upset, they are not a pretty sight to see. One time I saw an elephant go absolutely crazy over someone dropping its favorite type of peanut (the Styrofoam kind) on the ground. Every elephant has its own personal peeves, and they are not things to be messed with.
When elephants get REALLY mad, they call in the Divine Purple Elephant Queen. She's their leader not just because she is divine, but because she is by far more frightening than the other elephants can be. The Divine Purple Elephant Queen is three times the size of normal elephants, and can squash a human with a single step if she so wishes. She can shoot fire out of her trunk, a sight which inspired ancient man to create dragon myths. The Queen has existed for years immeasurable, and will probably still be living long after any people alive now are gone.

You don't want to mess with the Queen

I suppose you're off the hook...

Alright, Mr. Beckett, you're off the hook.
Until the next baseball season, anyway.
In response to these developments, I forced that poor polar bear to completely consume the contents of the Coca-Cola bottle you saw earlier. The bear wasn't pleased, but like all good minions, he would do anything for the Divine Purple Elephant Queen, of whom I am a representative.
Now it's the Patriots that need to be worried. I want a perfect season, after all.

Fox scares me

The news company, I mean.
Check out this messed up article they published. It's just sick and wrong. There's no way it will actually happen, yet those delusions still exist. The Rockies are going DOWN tonight. They won't win. They won't come close to winning. They won't even smell the faintest whiff of potential victory.
I think Fox is just mad that Massachusetts, and by extension the Red Sox, is more "with it" than it is. After all, Massachusetts is a blue state, and Fox is about as red as it gets.
No offense to conservatives, but you have a seriously biased news source.

You're not off the hook yet, Mr. Beckett

Do the Sox won last night. Big deal. Tonights the night that really counts. I want this series to be over. A clean sweep of the Rockies. I know you guys can do it, and I'm not accepting ANY excuses.
None.
You'd better win. It should be a piece of cake. If you don't, then remember that "bottle of Coca-Cola" I showed you earlier.
Penguins and Polar Bears, Mr. Beckett, Penguins and Polar Bears.

Details, details

Don't think you're gonna get off easy, Mr. Beckett. I was recently informed that you aren't going to be playing in today's game.
I don't care.
If you're a part of the Red Sox and the Sox don't do well, it's your fault if they don't do well. Deal with it.
Be very careful of penguins and polar bears if they don't win tonight, Mr. Becket.

That's not a Coke.

I don't care who told you what, that penguin is not giving that polar bear a Coke. Nope, that's the top secret plan of what they'll do if the Red Sox don't win the game tonight. You don't want to know what's inside of it. Top secret, highly confidential stuff. It's so classified, even the Divine Purple Elephant Queen doesn't have access to it. And let me tell you, the Divine Purple Elephant Queen knows EVERYTHING. She knows what you're having for breakfast next Tuesday morning, even if you have no idea. She knows when you'll finally stop putting off your least favorite chore. She knows what your first word was, when you said it, where you said it, and what you meant by it.
So let me tell you, this is top secret stuff. I shouldn't even be telling you it exists. But if I didn't, I'd feel guilty. So be prepared for what will happen if the Sox don't win tonight. Especially you, Mr. Becket. And Big Papi, you should be sweating in your sleep.
Though you better not be sleeping 20 minutes before the game.

Old Dad and Co.

In honor of the Red Sox game tonight, Bob and I invited my father, a die-hard Red Sox fan, over to watch the game. Dad brought along a friend.
So now we've got two old dudes starring at our television, counting down the milliseconds until the first pitch is thrown. It's horribly boring, so I'm stuck blogging for something to do.
On the plus side, Dad's a good cook, for all he is quite a way over the hill. Tonight for dinner he is making Chicken Cordon Bleu, one of his favorite meals to make. I can't wait for dinner, but I can wait for dishes. Where's Bob Jr. when you need him? Dumb kid had to run off to sleep over a friend's house tonight. To bad none of the other 8.5 kids are any good at dish washing.
5:02. That means there are 28 minutes left until the game. Yay!

Case and Point

The one on top is a rocky mountain oyster. The one below it is an oyster.
Which would you rather eat?
Go Red Sox!

I want to see this again soon

And I mean soon. As in tomorrow. You guys better win tonight! The Rockies don't stand a chance. Keep on cremeing them. Show no mercy. None. Nada. Zip. They are what stands between you and your second World Series Championship in three years. Sure, they've got Rocky Mountain Oysters for sale in their stadium, but you're Boston. In Boston, oysters mean a type of mollusks, not bull testicles. I think you guys have the upper hand.

If you start loosing, keep this in mind:
Penguins and Polar Bears.

Sound System Setup

Bob is WAY to lazy.
He refuses to do any of the handywork around the house, even though he's a professional builder. His excuse is that he doesn't want to bring his work home, but I know that it's just him wanting to sit in his easy chair and watch TV.
Anyway, he bought a new sound system for our living room while I was out yesterday. This morning, he made me set it up. It took me three hours to get the thing to work properly. The sound quality is amazing, but the thing was almost more trouble than it is worth. I am annoyed.
This isn't the only time Bob has made me do that sort of thing, though. When our oldest son wanted a weight bench, who do you think set it up? When our daughter got an iPod, who set that up? Whenever there's anything to be set up, it's my job. Fun, no?

Let's go Red Sox!!!!

I'm wearing my green "pride o' the neighborhood" Red Sox shirt just for you guys. You had better win the world series. If you don't, well, I may have to send the penguins and polar bears after you.

Trust me. You don't want that.

Go team!!!

Cover Up

On second thought, forget I said anything in that last post. It was all a lie. Ignore it. I have absolutely no plans to help purple elephants take over El Salvador. None. Nada. Zip. I swear, it was all a lie. I swear on my sister's grave.
Oh wait. I don't have a sister. Never did.

Bob and the Purple Elephant plot.

Bob and I are deeply in love. It is so nice to be married. We are so happy together, and with all of our kids. Life is bliss.
Anyway, my apologies for not having been on recently. I was working on my plan to help purple elephants take over the world. It's coming along quite nicely. By February of 2028, everyone should be bowing the the Divine Purple Elephant Queen. With the help of the penguins from the north pole and polar bears from the south pole, we should start taking over El Salvador, which is our first target, in a matter of months.
At first, we'll trick them into thinking it's just a small, peaceful internet campaign. We'll send every El Salvadorian email account a picture of the Diving Purple Elephant Queen with a message saying something along the lines of "This is the Divine Purple Elephant Queen. Submit to her Wondorous Rule." Then, slowly, we'll start a political party. Before you know it, we'll be in charge and we'll change El Salvador's government to a dictatorship, with The Queen as the dictator.
It will be awesome.