Finally, the party's over. Almost.

The party started five hours ago, and everyone's left except for the Oddmans. They don't seem like they'll be leaving any time soon, either. At any rate, it's pretty much over, and I'm relatively certain I survived. Wish I could say the same for Raphael. The poor kid got so tired from all the excitement that he crashed at four o'clock, four hours before his normal bedtime, even though the party was still in full swing. From the looks of him, he won't be getting up any time soon.
The littlest of the Oddmans, Morgan, is almost three years old. Unlike Raphael, he's still alive and kicking. The kid running around, playing with Joey, and messing with a stuffed snake and an oversized matchbox card. They both seem to be having a good time.
Our Yankee Gift Swap was a huge success. For those of you not familiar concept, it's the same thing as a "white elephant" gift swap. Except, because the Divine Purple Elephant Queen doesn't approve of white elephants, we've taken to call it a Yankee Gift Swap. It's the only situation where the word "Yankee" can be used in our household in anything remotely resembling a positive context. That's just the way the family works.
At any rate, it was popular. I got some sort of Liz Clayborne (is that spelled right?) necklace out of the bargain, and Bob got some weird "Say what?" game out of it. The game's rather fun.

Anyway, I think I'll go join Raphael.

My daughter's insane

Here's the proof.
Friday was the last day of school before winter break. So what does Sally Ann do? In a moment of boredom, she and several of her friends wrote a Christmas song about physics, to the tune of the twelve days of Christmas. Here's the last verse:

On the twelfth day of physics, my teacher gave to me
12 hundred problems
11 strange dimensions
10 racing buggies
9 types of trusses
8 force sensors
7 roller coasters
6 new labs
5 hours of homework!
4 metric units
3 Newton's laws
2 vector graphs
and an apple falling from a tree!

To make matters worse, not only did Sally Ann write the crazed poem, she sang it to her physics teacher in class. She forced one of her shyer friends to sing along with her, and the poor girl had had so much sugar she just couldn't say "no." The teacher, Mr. Johns, is a bit strange, but even he didn't know how to react. The man just sat there with a goofy smiley and tried to pretend it wasn't happening, from what I heard from Sally Ann's friend.
Sally Ann is certainly following in her mother's footsteps, at any rate.

Ode to Gyro

I miss you Gyro!!!!
You aren't allowed to move.
Tell the folks in charge
that they're messing with your groove.

You need to stay in this city
not go away to some rural locale
I don't wish for you go away
and learn to milk a cow.

Yeah, I know I can't rhyme.
But surely you get my drift
I don't want you in Wisconsin
I don't want your home to shift.

Trig will no longer be any fun;
Silvia and Lonnie do agree.
We are sorry that you have to leave;
The thought fills us with no glee.

And so I wish to you
a happy holiday
whether you re very near
Or rather far away.

Bye Gyro! Keep in touch!
Love,
Your insane friend

(Note: Gyro is a friend of mine who was in the trigonometry class I took at the local community college. She's not going there any more, because she's moving to Wisconsin after Christmas.)

Countdown to the family party: 7 days

It's that time of year again, and as always, my darling old parents have decided to throw their annual Christmas bash. It's supposed to be on Sunday (a week from today) and I'm rather looking forward to it. We're going to have music and food and fun. As always, there will be a Yankee gift swap, and, as always, I hope it doesn't get to far out of hand. One year I swear we had twice as many people as their were presents. Those who picked first ended up with absolutely nothing. I think we'll be a bit more careful this year.
My dear old dad may be getting a bit senile. You wouldn't believe how many people he's invited. Then of course, there are the guests invited by me and Bob. Even the kids are getting in on the action. Sally Ann, my oldest daughter, blackmailed her brother Bob Jr. to invite a guy she likes. Another one of my kids, Joey, invited his entire 3rd period English class to bring their families. It could get a little crazy.
Hopefully my parent's house will be big enough to hold everyone. It might get close, especially when you consider that their one story ranch was barely big enough to hold myself, them, and my brothers when I was growing up. Forget crazy, this party has the potential to get downright insane.

Old Peoples' Party

Great fun, don't you think? Yesterday, my mother and my father kidnapped me to go to my Grandmother's birthday party. Somehow, Bob and all of our kids managed to get out of it. We ate Dad's fried chicken (he just learned how to use a deep fryer), taquitos, chips, and other fun little munchies while surrounded by three elderly couples, not including my parents. It was a TON of fun. Just imagine it, sitting there in a pristine formal room and chowing down while the homeowner showed off the newest additions to her wardrobe. After dinner, we cut the cake (chocolate with pink and white frosting). The thing had only one candle on it, because after you get old, I guess you don't want to admit you're getting any older. But anyway, we cut the cake, ate it, and then talked for a little for awhile before leaving. I am extremely glad I went.

Decorating the Christmas Tree

I know it's been awhile since I last posted, but I've been busy with Christmas stuff. You would not believe how hard it is to go shopping for 9 1/2 kids. I literally have to keep a list of what I've bought for each kid. It's horrible. Two years ago, I forgot to get Michelangelo anything but some stocking stuffers. The poor kid was so sure Santa hated him that he ran to his room crying. I had to pretend to find a $100 bill under the tree with his name on it to cheer him up. I never saw any of that money again.
But anyway, we set up our Christmas tree yesterday. It's a bit of a sad tree; there are huge gaps where no branches exist. But after putting on about six or seven strands of lights, more beads than you can shake a stick at, and a surprisingly dismal amount of ornaments (no one felt like doing much after the Simpsons turned on), I am happy to say I survived the experience. Not sure I can say the same thing about Bob, of course, but he's expendable.
Halfway through the meal, I whipped up some hot cocoa for everyone to enjoy. It tasted okay, though mine was a bit watery and tasteless, and I think everyone had a good time. I had to make three kettles of water to ensure there was enough for all 11 1/2 of us to drink some. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

You've got to see this one

As an apology for not having posted in the past week, I'd like to show you all this beautiful picture. I took it last Saturday night at Bryce Canyon, and it is (supposedly) the full moon. I know better, though.
The simplest of logic tells me that this is a picture of a UFO. as in Unkind Flying Object. The thing was a spherical flying object piloted by aliens in an attempt to take over the world via mind control. How do I know this?
1. Hordes of people came to take pictures of the "moon". While this could have been photographers trying to make extra cash, you and I both know that it was actually a collection of poor fools whose minds are already controlled by aliens.
2. Look at that glowing orb. I mean, come one. It could be the moon, but puh-lease. It's way to bright.
3. What are the chances of the moon rising at sunset the only evening I'm at Bryce Canyon? Slim to none. Obviously, the aliens know that I have a fairly high rank in the purple elephants' plot, and wanted to capture me for questioning.
Luckily, Bob, myself, and the kids all ran off before we had a chance to learn about alien torture devices first hand.